Buttknocker
by vagrant mumbler
Summary: What vendetta against the word "buttknocker" could Beavis possibly have? B/BH


There were plenty of reasons Butt-head liked to piss Beavis off, the most obvious being that it was fun. Usually, Beavis would take it as a joke and play along—they would call each other names, maybe smack each other a bit, then go right back to watching TV or ignoring their teacher. As an added bonus, it gave them something to do in that horribly boring house of theirs. Sure, they watched a lot of reruns and music videos over and over but Jesus Christ, even they had a sanity level. Moments like that—the overwhelming boredom experienced during "normal" teenage life—were the ones Butt-head decided to use to make his move for the simple reason that he _liked_ getting into fights with his best friend. Especially physical fights.

Those were the best.

And of course, summer was always the most boring. Weekends especially. On the bright side, there wasn't any school and sure, they could always _try_ and go to the mall or the convenience store to pick up chicks. Maybe even say hi to Todd and get lucky enough to get their asses kicked by him and his gang. But at the end of the day, they came home to big steaming pile of nothing.

That was when the comments started.

A Bon Jovi video plays. At this point, everyone knows Beavis likes 'em. Hell, Butt-head didn't even _really_ care anymore. But he couldn't just _let it go_; it was way too fun getting Beavis worked up over it.

"No wonder you like Bon Jovi. You're just as much a wussie buttknocker as they are," Butt-head said smugly.

"Shut up Butt-head," Beavis warned, his voice taking on a tone of 'don't fuck with me today'. "And don't call me a—"

"Buttknocker?" Butt-head finished for him. "Why? What's a buttknocker like you gonna like, do about it?"

He could see Beavis' fists curl up by his side, still resting on the couch. He didn't say anything, instead opting to stare at a spot on the wall.

Butt-head snorted. "If I'd known it was like, Silence of the Buttknockers Day, I would've gone to school or someth—"

He never got a chance to finish his sentence because suddenly all of Beavis's weight had knocked them both over the side of the couch. The move knocked the floor lamp over, too, and both it and the teenagers hit the ground at the same time. The brunette hit his head on the way down, but he didn't mind. In fact, he actually somewhat enjoyed it—the way his and Beavis's body made a hard _thud!_ sound on the carpet. Fighting had always excited him.

Beavis had landed somewhat on top of Butt-head, his knee pressing into the taller boy's stomach as he hovered over his best friend, only friend. The berserked blond wrapped his fingers around Butt-head's neck and began pounding it into the ground. However, both of them were used to the idea that Butt-head was pretty thick-skulled, so it's not like any real damage could ever come of it. Still, he persisted in his violent actions.

"How many times do I have to tell you," Beavis yelled, thrusting his companion to the ground, "not to call me a buttknocker?" He pressed his knee into Butt-head's stomach harder, but Butt-head didn't complain. Instead, he wrapped his arm around Beavis' torso and attempted to shake him off. As he continued to shake him, Beavis continued. "You can call me anything else, but you can't. Call. Me. A. Buttknocker!"

"Uh, yeah?" Butt-head replied, deciding now was as good a time as any to start fighting back. He thrusted his own knee up into Beavis' stomach and that was enough to knock the blond's leg onto the floor so that Beavis was now straddling him. "Why don'tcha like being called a buttknocker so much?" Though he meant for the question to be an insult, it was actually something that he'd thought about on more than one occasion. Why did that singular phrase bother Beavis so much? Butt-head shoved the aggravated boy up into the air and rolled over so that he landed with another hard_thud!_ on the ground beside him. He grabbed Beavis's shoulder and punched him right in the gut, hoping to provoke a more violent response than simply being thrashed into the ground repeatedly. He wanted to get punched. And he wanted it to hurt.

Apparently, it seemed luck was on his side that day—Beavis punched him square in the chest, though it was hard to get good aim or any force to it since Butt-head was tilting the blond's head so far back. Beavis tugged back at Butt-head's shirt, hoping to pull him closer so it'd be easier to pop him one right in the mouth, but the momentum only helped Butt-head roll on top of Beavis. This time, it was the brunette that hovered over the blond, and due to the fact that he was slightly bigger than Beavis, he wasn't going to be able to get away. Butt-head pinned Beavis' arms to his sides and settled his knees on either side of his hips. Beavis's torso arched here and there to try and throw Butt-head off; his hands clenched and unclenched in a futile attempt to get them free; and his legs kicked wildly to try and hurt the brunette, but it was all very ineffective. Butt-head merely pressed Beavis' arms down a little harder, or he would squeeze his legs together to get the squirming under control—his control—, or he would move his own feet out to separate Beavis' legs so that it was harder for him to kick.

"Answer me, Beavis! Why does the word _buttknocker_ piss you off so much?"

"Augh, Butt-head I'm gonna kill you if you don't let me go!"

"No way, ass wipe! You couldn't kill anything if you had a gun in one hand and like, a knife in the other. Except yourself, maybe, since you're such a buttknocker!"

"_Dammit Butt-head!_"

The music from the TV hadn't even registered to either of them before because they were too caught up in trying to overthrow the other that it didn't matter. But the volume had gradually risen to an extremely annoying volume and that didn't help the temperament of either teenager. Beavis was getting so angry that he mustered up the strength to raise himself a bit, and Butt-head made the mistake of letting go of one of his arms to push his shaking chest back down.

That was pretty stupid, considering that now Beavis was able to grab Butt-head by the collar and tug him closer to him. Beavis shoved Butt-head like he had done to him a minute ago, right up against the wall under the window. Their legs had become entangled and Butt-head's arm was stuck under Beavis' shoulder.

The two's cheeks were nearly touching as Butt-head pressed the issue. "Why can I call you anything else," Butt-head yelled, pressing his knee into Beavis's stomach for the second time, "but I can't call you buttknocker? I mean like, it's what you are, isn't it?"

"No!" Another thrash from Beavis to Butt-head's head against the wall.

Butt-head raised an eyebrow. "Uh, you sure about that? 'Cause that's not what your boner says."

"Augh, shut up Butt-head! That's just like, adreadedline!"

"Oh yeah? Huh, so you _do_ have one!" Butt-head said, licking his lips and laughing. He grabbed the fabric of Beavis's shirt with his tight fists and pulled him closer.

"That's not what I meant, butthole!" Beavis's face was turning red now, but whether it was from his anger or the possible accuracy of Butt-head's statement would never be known.

Because that's when he smashed his face to Beavis's and kissed him right on the mouth.

Beavis' everything froze. His hands stopped pressing against Butt-head's neck; his feet stopped kicking; fuck, even his heart stopped for a second or two, too.

Butt-head shoved him away, but only a couple of inches from his face. "You like fighting with me, too, _don't you_ Beavis."

The blond only stared at Butt-head. The color of the wall became hazy, and all he could do was blink hard, once. Maybe swallow whatever less-than-quality-sentences he had stuck in his throat.

And even though Beavis couldn't think of anything to say, Butt-head wouldn't have let him, anyways. He tugged Beavis hard by the collar and pressed their lips together again—but this time, Beavis only froze for a second before pressing back.

Even though the mood had taken a hard hit in the face from one extreme to the other, Butt-head wasn't ready to go all sissy gooey gushy wussie crap with this. He still liked being physical and rough, so he moved one hand from Beavis' collar to the small of his back and dug his fingers into the skin there to pull him closer. Beavis didn't seem to mind—after all, he had just inadvertently admitted that he liked to play, too. However, as rough as he was being, the point of Butt-head's change in the position of his hand was not so he could just grab a hold of Beavis and claw him to death.

The point was so he could get a much easier grind out of his companion, the fight exciting him in the same way. Beavis pulled back and the surprised noise that came from his mouth only made Butt-head harder. For just a second, he stopped and thought about all the things that happened that probably led Beavis to being okay with Butt-head's sudden decision. He'd gotten wood in the back of a bus while he and a bunch of dudes occupied the space there. He considered having sex with Muddy for money, maybe if they just closed their eyes. They changed in the same stalls. Beavis had wanted a party with just Butt-head, _instead_ of having chicks there, too.

And as for Butt-head, well.

He just really liked Beavis.

The signs were all there. So Butt-head just had to ask, voice a little low from all the unexpected contact he'd gotten that day.

"You like dick, don't you Beavis."

"Damn, it took you a long time to ask." He shoved Butt-head up against the wall again and kissed him, scraping his lips occasionally against the metal on Butt-head's teeth.

Maybe now all Beavis' offers to show him his butt would actually pay off.


End file.
